In all that has ever been said, written, and contemplated, a simple paragraph, I just read, holds some of the most truth I’ve ever heard!!
It’s not a lengthy read. It’s not a result of some extensively studied thesis. It carries an all too familiar “look” in the blogging community.. Surely, much too common for the magnitude of it’s value.
Now, before I tell you what exactly this paragraph said, let me explain why it’s relevant to me. I’ve spent years in a blur. Nothing specific mattered or didn’t matter. Nothing was me or wasn’t me. I didn’t believe this way or that, strived toward any particular goal. I recently realized those days, I wasn’t living…
I was surviving. It’s human instinct to survive. It’s the emotions, attachments, friendships, expierences, mistakes, forgiveness, lessons, people, and everything else that is living!
These days of blur were horrible! I hated them. I hated the confusion and favoritism. I hated so much that it destroyed my will to live. I hated the bubble of anger planted in my soul at 8 years old. I hated the fact that my siblings and I were going to expierence drastic and devestating “exists” to our childhood home. I didn’t realize then, but life was exposing me to my Empath ability. Had I known, the distress wouldn’t have been any less devestating.
With all the confusion, conformity, and continuous negitivity, my depression thrived. These people, who were given legal guardianship of 5 little lives, had no idea what they were doing. Not with 5 kids.. Not with the “shipwrecked” few short years we all had under our belt.
Not only did I not know how to handle adult basics: balancing a checkbook, grocery shopping, any sort of payments to payoff in order to build credit… I didn’t know how to love myself. I didn’t know how to be a friend. I didn’t know who, if anyone, were my friends. I didn’t like my guilt and shame. It constantly challenged my happiness.
What I discovered today was the answer to my “WHY”… What could possibly be any reason for the relentless and utterly disgraceful childhood?….
I felt every and all this… Every morsal of hurt and every sliver of joy. I felt every taxing tear, when I’d go to bed crying. I felt the super highs of having attention from guys, although it was the wrong kind of attention. I’m an empath.. Every second of it was reality.. valid.. Intense..
I was in the space of disliking myself.. Whether it was truth or not.. Then, I transitioned into a space where I started to feel differently about me..
And as I grew.. My entire being changed. I was grounded. I was convicted. I got married and became a momma. I studied and fought for a happier me.
I’m no longer at war with myself.. Or with my sensitivity. I’m a “me”… I’m not perfect or without blame… but, my journey is quite a bit different now.
Life happens for a reason beautiful people! You won’t always understand it; but, you’ll receive your answers. The secret is to keep going.. While being open to receiving them..
Here’s wishing you a life changing revelation day!
With all my love & light,